The gorgeous fig that survived -- in spite of me!
When did I become such a slacker?
Take gardening, for example. I used to get so excited to tend my little “porch” garden, planting fresh herbs and flowers every season, weeding — showering them with love. My little harvest was a haven — my little “escape” from city dwelling. This year? Not so much. The lovely fruit above survived with no help from me. Even the herbs have died –and they love to be ignored.
I don’t exactly know when I started to slack off. Maybe during my returning student phase — which is actually just coming to an end. But I worry: Can people who grow lazy and/or loose their mojo get it back?
I remember there was a movie a few years ago….I think it was called “How Stella got her groove back”….Well, it seems like I am right there with Stella. I need to place a “911″ call to somebody –to try and get “IT” back. If I just knew what “IT” was!!
To be fair, it could just be that I’m not cut out for the full-time student gig. All the bullshit general ed courses, which I’ll never use again. Sitting in one place, studying. Memorizing useless information. Heck, anybody could get sick of that, right?
I do know that I love working in a challenging job - but I love to “craft” so much more!
I have also really enjoyed getting to know some new friends this year. Lately I seem to be drawn to creative folks “like a bee to honey. ” Maybe I’m looking for my own brand of medicine? Could these new creative friends have some extra mojo –and would they lend me some?
So, here’s my dilemma: I really suck at making major life decisions.
When I started my last career (escrow officer), I was just really grateful to have a job with a future. I worked hard. I struggled. I strived to succeed. I forgot about friends, my family, my own interests….I lost myself.
And now, tomorrow, I graduate from college. I am a “paralegal”. I need to take a major huge test to get certified. More studying and memorizing. More money for tests, pressure, stress. And an iffy job market. And – who knows if I’ll even LIKE working as a paralegal?
I keep wondering — Will I lose myself again? Will I ever get my mojo back? Should I have chosen to go to fashion design or art school instead of a business college? I just really really want to create stuff! And lately, it seems to be the only thing that gives me that “feeling” of happiness, that “bounce” in my steps….that reason to jump out of bed in the morning, because you can’t wait to get going.
Nobody really has the answer for me, I know. I just wish someone would lend me their crystal ball for a day.
That’s it from the home-front. I promise to be back with more good times soon….just not today.
I’ll leave you with my new favorite self portrait:
Fiber LOVE
